Reflection: The Power of Affirming Community©

The Rev. Sarah Lammert, USR September 9, 2007

Many, if not most, Unitarian Universalist congregations are kicking off their new calendar years this morning with a water communion. Some of you may have experienced this in other congregations. The idea is to collect water over the summer from your various travels, and then bring the water together as a symbol of ingathering in the fall. Some congregations then take the water outside and pour it over their gardens, while others carefully distill the water and save it for special occasions, like baby dedications.

Honestly, I was relieved when I realized that this was not the tradition in Ridgewood. For years I had struggled in my former congregation with the realization that while some families regularly were bringing water from exotic locales, like the Tahitian shoreline or a spectacular waterfall in Hawaii, others never traveled in the summer – their budgets simply didn’t allow it. One family always brought water from their kitchen sink – another brought water from her garden’s irrigation system. I tried organizing the service into waters from the north, south, east and west, and inviting people to bring literal or symbolic water from these places, each representing a different stage in the life cycle. It still felt like a competitive travel bragging fest, rather than a celebration of community, and a reaffirmation of each person’s unique role within the whole.

My favorite water communion disaster story came to me from my colleague Melitta Haslund. She had just introduced this tradition to her small congregation the year prior, and had planned to boil this year’s water to sanitize it and then save it for ritual purposes. She started things off by pouring in a little of last year’s water, inviting the congregation to see this water as a symbolic way of containing the memories of the congregation along with the present day. One gentleman, not quite understanding, had spent his summer working on a car, and to the horror of the congregation, instead of water poured battery acid into the mix. This led to one of the stranger moments of Melitta’s ministry when she found herself trekking out to the city’s toxic waste disposal site to dispose of the toxic mixture. There, she had to fill out a form explaining what was in the substance and she did her best: “water from the Nile River, sea water, battery fluid, snowmelt from Mt. Whitney, holy water.” I’m fairly sure the guys in toxic waste didn’t often receive holy water, but I imagine it gave them something to chat about over their coffee that day!

Well, whether your summer found you traveling far and wide, and racking up miles on your frequent flyer plan, or whether you worked most of the summer and kept your routines, or whether you spent this time caring for a loved one or struggling with illness or grief, welcome to this ingathering. We may pour water together in a large symbolic gesture here, but even after our first summer of very successful services, this is our homecoming Sunday. Welcome to those of you here for the very first time, and welcome to those who are returning visitors wondering if this might be a place for you to call your religious home. Welcome to those who have been a part of this congregation for a year, or for ten years, or forty years, and who have blessed this community with your dreams, your hard work, and your willingness to always welcome yet another person thirsting for a place to be included, challenged, and loved.

Ours is an affirming community, and that is what gives us our power. We affirm that each person is precious and worthy – that each one of us does make a difference. We affirm that we are all on a journey towards truth, but that none of us owns that truth. We affirm the right of liberty and justice in the world. And, we affirm the interconnectedness of life –each of us responsible to bring our gifts to the table in service of the whole.

I hope that each of you will take the job of passing on those ribbons with great sincerity. Tracy and I went back and forth on this, but we changed the ending of the story she told about the ribbons this morning because of the presence of so many young children. The real story was that the 14 year old boy had actually been planning to commit suicide because he thought his father didn’t love him. That little blue ribbon in your hands saved his young life. It has made a difference for countless high school seniors lucky enough to have Helice Bridges as their teacher, it has made a difference for a maid in a hotel, a homeless woman living in her car, and it even stopped a mugger with a gun from carrying out his crime! Some 25 million people have received one of these blue ribbons, and now you are among them.

Think about who has made a difference for you and don’t be afraid to tell them about it when you give them their ribbon. Nobody has ever died regretting that they acknowledged people too much – they only regret the fear that has held them back from saying “I love you.” “Thank you for being so special.” “You make a difference for me.”

Keep your own ribbon someplace where you will see it and be reminded of your own magnificence once in a while. We forget that we make a difference for others and it makes us small as human beings. It matters what we tell ourselves about what is possible and it matters what we say to others. Words can cut people down, and they can lift them up and encourage them to excel. Not only who you are, but who you are being, makes a difference. Remember the arm thing – it may be a little less than scientific – but we all know that it is true – the more we say I can, the more we achieve. But as soon as we say I can’t or I’m not good enough, we disempower ourselves and others.

I love the prayer that Helice printed in her book – even those of you who are agnostic or atheists can appreciate the sentiment of this anonymous plea:

Dear God,

So far today I’ve done alright. I haven’t lost my temper, haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or over-indulgent. I’m really glad about that. But in a few minutes God, I’m going to get out of bed and from then on I’m probably going to need a lot more help.

Thank you,

Amen.

The National Science Foundation estimated a few years ago that the average human has between 12,000 and 50,000 thoughts per day. Apparently, some 95% of these thoughts passed through your mind the day before. In other words, we are caught in something of a loop with our thinking. Some have estimated that some 70-80% of these thoughts are negative – obsessing about mistakes we have made, worrying about the future, struggling with guilt, fear, and anger, etc. How do we change this? Having greater awareness of our thoughts – even the negative ones – is the first step in transforming these stultifying cycles into a more engaged, positive, and empowering way of thinking. In Buddhism this is called mindfulness. Once you have this kind of awareness, you can sweep away negative thoughts like fallen leaves, leaving less room for neuroticism, and more room for creativity.

In communities like this one, we come to be challenged in our intellectual and spiritual lives, but we also come to be affirmed for who we are, warts and all. It isn’t saccharine or superficial to dwell on the positive for a change. There is plenty of negativity and violence in the world to keep us from being spoiled by any showers of love and acknowledgement we might heap upon one another in this community. Our youth, especially are starved for some acknowledgement – think about the culture of put downs and exclusions they deal with in their social lives. And we carry a lot of that into our adulthood. It isn’t often that we hand people blue ribbons and say, “Well done. Just for being you.”

This is a place where we want people to know that they are blue ribbons winners – each precious and worthy. It is a religious community that is here to challenge you to rise to your greatness, and to inspire you to offer your gifts to a hurting world, making a far greater difference than you knew you were capable of.

It starts with the little things, like telling people that it is good to see them, or taking the time to call someone you’ve noticed has been absent to see how they are. It picks up speed when you remember to thank people for the many small ways they have improved your life – acknowledge the meat counter guy for cutting your turkey so perfectly, and the toll booth collector for their nice smile. Thank your spouse or child for some small thing they did right. Notice your own critical self talk, and tell yourself “I am wonderful! I am wonderful! I am wonderful!” Make it your daily practice to spread love, like seeds. You just never know when a little battery acid might be poured into the waters of community – we’ve all seen congregations, and communities torn apart by politics or betrayals or perceived slights. Ministry in the largest sense requires radical forgiveness sometimes, and a spirit of generosity and grace. May this be a blue ribbon year for all of us. Remember, who you are makes a difference.