©Address: “The Pursuit of Happiness”
The Rev. Sarah Lammert, USR,
Today is my mom’s 70th birthday – she
decided not to have a big party because my sister in
Regardless of what age or stage of
life we are in, the combination of winter’s chill and the holidays adds stress
to our already full lives, and sometimes reminds us of painful losses and
disappointments we have endured. Despite
all of the cues from the culture telling us that we ought to be jolly at this
time of the year, sometimes we don’t feel like making merry at all, but instead
find ourselves in the throws of emptiness, sadness and anger.
So, I suppose this an interesting
time of the year to take on the subject of the Pursuit of Happiness! More apt perhaps would have been the pursuit
of holiday gifts that will please without breaking the budget, or the pursuit
of paying off the credit card bills that we will rack up this month, or the
pursuit of fitting in our pants after eating too many holiday foods! Our founding fathers, and Thomas Jefferson in
particular, found it wise to include three basic human rights in declaring
independence for our nation: The right to life, the right to liberty, and the
pursuit of happiness. This was a change
from the economist philosopher Hobbes, who had declared a similar triad of
inalienable rights: life, liberty and the pursuit of property. Although you wouldn’t know it to look at a
shopping mall parking lot at this time of the year,
So what is happiness? According to philosopher and sociologist R.
M. MacIver, happiness is not merely a state of mind nor is it merely a
feeling.
It is the resonance of the whole being as it moves
toward that which fulfills it. It is the
harmony within you, as you, the whole you, the animating you, move toward
whatever oneness you are capable of becoming.
It is the fulfillment that comes in the weaving of relationships that
make your world your home.
When I was in St. Louis recently
over the Thanksgiving holiday, Andy and I took my niece and our daughters
bowling one day at the old Tropicana lanes that have been around at least since
the 1960’s, with minimal updates in décor since that time. We had a great time in there knocking over
pins and eating French fries, and just being silly. It was a fun day and I dare say a happy
day.
As we pulled out of the parking lot,
we passed a brand new
We all have a finite life, and
really, who would want to live forever?
Part of what makes us human, and keeps us somewhat humble, is the fact
of our mortality. Life is fleeting, and
sometimes it gets cut off out of season.
And so, what will we do with the days we are given? Can we cast off outward pressures to bow down
to the Gods of property, materialism and status, and instead choose the deeper
pursuit of happiness?
The most popular course at
People seeking greater well-being would be well
advised to focus on the pursuit of (a) goals involving growth, connection and
contribution rather than goals involving money, beauty and popularity, and (b)
goals that are interesting and personally important to them rather than goals
they feel forced or pressured to pursue.
In other words, as MacIver pointed
out, happiness comes from a sense of resonance, harmony and fulfillment within,
rather than the fleeting rush of material success or status. If money made us happy, wealthy people would
be the happiest on earth, but it just isn’t so.
In fact, despite 30 years of economic growth after World War II, a study
found Americans no happier than they had been.
Life satisfaction in
It seems that once we have kept up
with the Joneses, we notice that the Smiths have a new Viking stove and the
Johnsons have a fancy new snow plow. And
the Chuns have a new weekend house down the shore, while the Stankowitzs are
putting on a huge addition. It’s never
enough, when it comes to money, beauty is fleeing, and popularity is a shallow
and fruitless pursuit. If we can
instead, focus on what strengthens our connection to self, world and others,
look for opportunities to grow as a person, and find ways to contribute our
gifts to this hurting world, we will begin to experience a deeper happiness
that isn’t dependent on circumstance.
Most of us fall into a pattern of “some
day” thinking when it comes to happiness.
As soon as I get that degree I’ll be happy. As soon as I finish this work project I’ll be
happy. As soon as I get through the
holidays I’ll be happy. As soon as I get
to the gym I’ll be happy. As soon as I
get a raise, get through this illness, get over my heartache, get to the
weekend, get to go on a vacation…. The list never ends and we never get to be
happy.
And then there is the problem of
being right. Most of us would much
rather be right than be happy. And, we
are right about so many things – our opinions about politics, about what
constitutes good taste, about how our spouses relatives and friends ought to
behave, about what is a good or bad movie, book, play or piece of music, our
opinions about the weather, how hard people ought to work, what is healthy
living, what is true and not true about God, it is amazing how many things we
are right about. But the catch is that
if I’m right you are often cast in the role of being wrong. And, when the world is made up of people who
are wrong it is hard to be happy no matter how right you may be. In fact, it can be lonely being right all the
time. Even when you are really really
really really right. Like, Global
Warming right, and people shouldn’t be driving hummers right! Like, the war should end right, or my friend
should stop drinking right, or even my husband should remember to take out the
trash right.
There has to be a way to live from
your own sense of commitment and integrity without sacrificing happiness on the
altar of righteousness. Mistaking
righteousness for happiness is just as dangerous as substituting money, beauty
of popularity for happiness, or always waiting for happiness to arrive “some
day.” How can we grab the golden ring of
happiness now, even with so much wrong, even though we never have enough, and
even we have not yet arrived at the place we hope to be?
The poet William Blake put his finger on something true in his poem “Auguries of Innocence:”
[We were] made for joy
and woe;
And when this we rightly know
Through the world we safely go.
Joy and woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine.
Under every grief and pine
Runs a joy with silken twine.
The pursuit of happiness is not about lining up
the perfect house, or raising perfect children, or having perfect health, or
finding enjoyment in every moment. Life
is never perfect, and it is often filled with frustration and sorrow. The pursuit of happiness is about finding
one’s larger purpose, remembering to give thanks for the joy that is ours, and
focusing on the present more than the past or future.
And perhaps it is even simpler than
that. When I was studying for the
ministry, I spent a summer working as a hospital chaplain. One of my duties during my overnight shifts
was to visit the pre-operative patients, many of whom were experiencing,
appropriately, intense fear as well as a sense of alienation or isolation. After surviving such a night facing the
existential pit, and then surviving a difficult heart surgery, one of my
patients turned to me and said, simply, “It’s all about love.” I’m not sure why it often requires this
degree of crisis to bring into focus what it truly important, but there are,
thankfully, such moments on the far side of despair when we know with certainty
that now is the only moment, and love is the only thing that matters. This is a strange, intense sort of happiness
– not the giddy happiness of a belly laugh or falling in love, but a
soul-washing, soul-cleansing kind of happiness.
Love is all that matters, and
the rest is a distraction.
Why are so many people in our nation
so unhappy, given our declared commitment to the pursuit of happiness? Why are Harvard students at the pinnacle of
success drawn by the hundreds to the course called “Happier,” why do one third
of American teenagers suffer from depression, why do fully 40% of marriages in
our country end in divorce, and why do only 50% of employees in the US report
that they are satisfied in their work? Do
we not believe that we have a right to be happy? Have we at some level bought into the
Hobbsian idea that life is truly “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short”
and thus happiness is for fools? Or is
it just that we are in a continual argument with the way life is -- so much so that we respond with
resignation or detachment?
Last Saturday, I went for a walk
with my dad. We cut through his
neighbor’s yard, where a large scale construction job was going on, turning the
house from a simple ranch to a stone McMansion.
We walked on to the nearby golf course, my dad’s back lab Tina happily
dashing about as we walked. The day was
crisp and a bit dreary, the leaves crunched under our feet, and our shoes got
muddy as we navigated mole trenches which made the earth give way here and
there as we walked.
“Do you remember walking here with
me after my surgery?” my dad asked. “I
was still catheterized and I had to wear my long raincoat, but I was so happy
to be outside walking.” I had forgotten,
but the memory of my dad, gaunt and pale, came back to me as we traced the same
path that day. “Well,” he said, looking
at me intently, “I remember that.” We
hooked arms and walked on, grateful for the present moment. Tina eventually settled in and walked beside
us, and I would even swear that the sun shined just a bit that day, down through
the winter branches of the trees.
Happiness is not a destination, it
is a way of life. It shows up when we
remember to save life, not time; it comes through the grace of a red rose in
the snow; it comes when we ask ourselves the right question. “What will make you happier?” You deserve a large measure of happiness, and
I suspect that true happiness, like love, is something that is only amplified
when we allow ourselves to experience it, because we surely would not want to
hold the gift to ourselves but would want to make sure that every person had
the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Amen.